"Lump" In The Road

Hello everyone. Most of you know by now that I have cancer. I've been diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma and fortunately for me it has a 90% cure rate. I've decided to follow the lead of a very good friend of mine by blogging my progress. This blog is so that people that I care about, who might not be able to connect with me on a daily basis, can follow the progress of my long and difficult battle. I will most likely be updating this blog weekly. Well, lets bring you up to speed....(this first entry will be much longer than most).

Last Sunday (7/18/10), while showering, I found a lump in my armpit. I immediately knew that it was not normal, as it was the size of half a baseball. It didn't hurt and it wasn't hard. I called Meg in to look at it and we decided to monitor and call the doctor Monday. I called the doctor first thing Monday morning and they were very flexible in scheduling me right away at 10:30 that morning. My doctor didn't really know what it was, other than to say that it was a mass and that I have lymph nodes in that area. He didn't show too much concern to me, but he wanted me to get an MRI that afternoon. I've never had an MRI and I gotta say, it was interesting. An MRI is not for claustrophobic. I was strapped down, unable to move, it was louder than a jack hammer next to my ears, and it took a half hour. They did put large headphones on me and I got to enjoy sports radio. Actually it wasn't that bad, I dosed off a few times.

That night we missed 3 calls from my family doctor, and he even called Meg's work number. The next morning we finally connected with the doctor and he told me that the MRI showed that the mass had spread and was now up near my clavicle. I immediately put my hand up on my collar bone and felt the bump. This one was a little flatter and harder, but I could feel it and it had already become visible. He wanted me to get a biopsy immediately, which we scheduled that day at 2pm. What he didn't tell me, is that he had called his Oncologist friend, the specialist that he would later refer me to, and they discussed the MRI. He still didn't really tell me much about what it was or what it could be.

Meg went with me to the biopsy and I think we were both a little nervous. Unfortunately they didn't allow Meg back there with me. There were four hospital people in the room with me: A nurse, a techi to run the ultrasound, the doctor, and a Pathologist. Via the ultrasound, they found the mass they would sample from and then the doctor eventually took 7 needle samples from under my armpit. The first four were for a "fine needle aspiration biopsy", and that was fairly painless. The last three were part of a "core biopsy." It was at this point he asked me if I knew why I was here? I told him all I knew was that I had a mass. He told me that he studied my MRI and after looking at the samples, he was almost certain that it was Lymphoma and that given my age, most likely Hodgkin Lymphoma. Those terms didn't mean a whole lot to me....he didn't mention the "C" word and I wasn't really up to speed on my disease terms. I knew it wasn't good, but I never really put two and two together. Maybe I was just too nervous. He then said some words that I'll never forget for the rest of my life: "I'm really sorry you had to find out like this." With those words I knew I was in trouble. I still didn't probe, I just let him prep for the Core Biopsy. The needle was much bigger, but actually the first two were fairly painless, but the third and final sample hurt pretty bad, bad enough that I actually said the words, "wow, that one hurt." To date, it's the most painful part of the week. The pain only lasted 3 seconds, but it still hurt. He told me the results would be available in two days, they cleaned me up and I was out.

I grabbed Meg and we headed for the car. I told her what they said and I think we may have guessed cancer at that point, can't remember. Anyway, we got in the car, pulled out my iphone, googled Hodgkin Lymphoma......and quickly found out that I indeed had Cancer. We also kept reading the wikidpedia definition and found out about it's high curable rate. This moment was pretty unexplainable. Shock, disbelief and sadness were overwhelming us. At this moment I was very glad that my wife was there with me. We chatted for about a minute, then started the car, and drove to the other side of the hospital where Meg had her Kenzie appointment. At this point I was starting to tear up and was thinking about staying in the car while Meg met with her OBGYN. I changed my mind and went in with her. Sitting in the waiting room having just found out I have cancer was a little surreal. I almost started tearing up a couple of times, so I tried to think of other things. It was hard. There were others in the room and it made it difficult to show emotions. After about 15 minutes, Meg came back out an we started our long trek home. My parents had come over to our house to watch Riley (who was home sick that day) and they were waiting nervously to hear what was going on. I made it about 3 exits on I-5 before I completely broke down. I quickly took the next exit, found a spot and pulled into a parking lot and just cried for 20 minutes. I just couldn't hold it back at that point. I had so many thoughts running through my head. I was thinking about Meg, I was thinking about Riley and soon to be born Kenzie, I was thinking about how difficult it's going to be to walk into our house and tell my parents I have cancer, I was thinking about how heck I'm going to tell my brother....man, all these thoughts! Meg drove home from there as I continued to struggle. Luckily my parents and Riley were inside because had they been outside when we got home, I'm not sure I could've gotten out of the car. I walked in the house tried to make it to the living room, but my legs wouldn't walk anymore. I kneeled down and started to cry as my mom walked around the corner and I mentioned the word cancer and just hugged her and started crying harder. My dad came around and we hugged. Riley came running while yelling daddy daddy, happy as can be....I just grabbed him, gave him a big hug and told him I loved him. He really just wanted to go outside at that point :) That was hardest part of the whole week. Yeah, I've cried and I've broke down a number of times after that, but telling your mom and dad that you have cancer at that age of 34.....I wish that on nobody. My brother had been calling a couple of times since the appointment had started, but I couldn't grab the strength to call him, and so I had Meg call and break the news. My parents stuck around for an hour or two, my aunt Holly lovingly stopped by to see me, which was nice. My brother came over with Gavin later that night, which was great. It wasn't difficult seeing my brother, probably tougher for him. I've noticed, that telling people for the first time verbally or in person, is the hardest thing I've had to do. But once they already know, that cat's out of the bag, it's not hard at all. So Eric and I just chatted away for an hour or two.

The next night, Meg and I got a call from my family doctor and he said that the preliminary report was in and I indeed had Lymphoma, but the report from the Core Biopsy was not in and that would determine whether or not it was Hodgkin's. But, the preliminary report clearly stated that they are fairly certain given my age that it will be Hodgkin's. This just confirmed what we already knew, so this news didn't shake me at all. No news on Thursday, but on Friday I received a call from the specialist's office (the Oncologist) and they had received the final report from my family doctors office and were ready to have me come in for a consultation.

Friday afternoon we met with Dr. Yee, who is associated with OHSU. He didn't beat around the bush, gave it to me straight and wanted to get a plan going right away. He had a pretty good idea of what stage I was in, but of course needed further testing to confirm. My symptoms were few, but the bumps (now a 3rd one on my neck) and the rate at which they are growing is slightly alarming to him. He believes that I'm currently in "bulky stage 2." The next step to confirm the stage I'm in, thus determining my treatment plan, is a PET scan and Bone Marrow Biopsy. We did the Bone Marrow Biopsy right then and there. This made me nervous because I had heard years ago that drawing bone marrow was very painful. I asked Dr. Yee if it would be painful and he said "yes!"......Great, lets do it :) They shot me up with Morphine and used Litocaine to numb the skin and bone surface. Meg was in the room, which was nice. I was laying on my stomach and they got started and it was interesting to say the least. Dr. Yee literally stuck a needle in my hip bone, breaking through the bone and drew out the marrow....which was a little painful, but only last 10 seconds. The next phase was taking a core sample of the bone. This is where they use a needle the size of a small tree, and I think maybe go in the bone horizontally, because the sample was over a half inch long. Imagine taking a post hole digger, going into the hole and coming up with dirt. Only this was the part of the bone slightly under the hard surface of the bone, the spongy part, I think. This took two different attempts because it's a fairly violent procedure and it's hard to get the core sample to stay in the needle when taking the needle out. The doctor was putting so much pressure on my back that I could feel my stomach and mid section going through the cushioned table I was on. It felt like he was hammering on the needle and once he felt he had the core sample he had to jiggle the needle back and forth creating a "earthquake" inside my body, literally wrenching on my body trying to get this tree like needle out of my hip bone and out of my body.....all while trying to keep the core sample in the needle. It was crazy to say the least. He joked about having done this procedure so many times that his right arm is ten times stronger than his left. The Bone Marrow Biopsy results are due on Tuesday and the PET Scan is scheduled for Monday and these results might be immediate. Unless they come back with better results than expected, the doctor plans an aggressive Chemotherapy treatment.

Ok, so on to the treatment....Chemotherapy. So with an aggressive chemo plan I will be scheduled to have it this Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Then Once the following week and off for 10 days. These are administered in a three week cycle. So after the 10 day rest I will begin again with three treatments in a row and so on. Dr. Yee has prepared us that this will be a six month process. The aggressive approach has it's risks. I have a higher chance of infection, due to a weaker immune system, and this can be deadly. It's a 5% chance of infection vs a 1% chance of infection should we take the less aggressive Chemo route of once every other week. I'm not too worried, 5% is still pretty low.

Well there you go. This has been my life over the last seven days. A roller coaster ride to say the least. Talk to ya next week.